Hello, I’m new here. I’ve struggled for a very long time with sleep and I feel like things are generally better under control using two medications and starting progesterone. I also have red light and sound machines!
I’m working on my sleep hygiene at night to see if I can fall asleep a little bit easier, but I definitely have a process and because I’ve tended to be a night owl in the past and my husband wakes up early, but also when we share the bed, he has some version of restless leg syndrome and moves around quite a bit-We decided to sleep in separate beds. This happened right when my daughter moved out for college so we had an extra bed available and we have slept considerably better apart. However, we both miss being together and not in separate rooms completely so we’re considering separate beds. Any recommendations on the best way to approach this? I would rather not look like a hotel with completely separate beds, but I can’t handle The movement of his thrashing around in his dreams at night, but I think we could work together regarding our night and morning routines. (He has looked into this with a GP who felt there was no issue and did not prescribe a sleep study for him.)
Hi there — welcome! So glad you shared your story — it sounds like you’ve been putting in a lot of thoughtful work to manage your sleep, and it’s encouraging to hear that things are starting to improve. 
What you’re describing is actually more common than people talk about — many couples eventually explore sleeping separately or finding middle-ground setups because of different sleep needs, schedules, or disruptions like restless leg movements. It’s all about protecting your rest while still feeling connected as a couple — and that’s totally okay.
Here are a few suggestions to help you approach separate beds without losing that sense of closeness:
Bedroom Setup Ideas:
- Split King Bed: It’s basically two twin XLs side-by-side. It looks like one big bed but eliminates motion transfer. A great way to stay close while minimizing sleep disruptions.
- Side-by-Side Beds with Shared Headboard: Some couples go this route to maintain a cohesive, cozy bedroom look while giving each person their own sleep space.
- Love Seat or Couch at the Foot of the Bed: If you’re sleeping in different beds (even in different rooms), having a shared space to unwind together before bed can help maintain emotional closeness.
Comfort Boosters:
- Earplugs (if comfortable) can help block noise from movement or sound machines.
- A white noise machine or even calming nature sounds might help drown out background movement and create a soothing sleep environment for both of you.
Connection & Routine Tips:
- Do a bedtime wind-down together: Reading, chatting, or cuddling before heading to your own beds helps keep intimacy strong.
- Sync part of your routines: Brushing teeth at the same time, or sharing a morning coffee can keep your rhythms connected, even if you’re not sharing a bed every night.
It’s great that he checked in with his GP, but if he’s having intense movement during dreams, it might be worth revisiting. In some cases, restless legs or movement in sleep could point to REM behavior disorder or periodic limb movement disorder — a sleep study might offer some clarity if things continue or worsen. These things can affect his sleep quality too, even if he doesn’t fully notice it.
At the end of the day, sleep is a huge part of your well-being — and figuring out what works best. You’re navigating it with care and intention, which says a lot. Finding a setup that protects your sleep and your connection is absolutely possible. We’re here to support you! 
Thank you!!!
I really appreciate your reply!
Hi Christina, You’re so welcome! I’m really glad I could help. If you have any more questions or need support along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out. You’ve got this and we’ve got your back! 
Good suggestions by Glei about beds and routines and sharing - getting into sync with your partner. I’ve had 2 years of not sleeping, knowing it’s because of my new partner but not knowing what exactly was the cause. I’ve recently learned it’s on a soul level and about me needing to claim my share of the sleep quotient (if there’s such a thing).Such a recognition has changed the dynamics for both of us. We’re closer on all levels and I’m now sleeping normally again Phew!!! For the restless legs: Magnesium is good for restless legs and a spot of good quality essential oil on the souls of the feet (I use Lavender or Oregano but anything that will open up the energy channel to release that pent-up energy).
Hi Gill, thank you so much for sharing this — what a beautiful and deeply insightful reflection. It’s amazing how much power there is in simply recognizing the deeper emotional and energetic layers behind our sleep struggles. Claiming your “share of the sleep quotient” — that’s such a powerful phrase and perspective. I’m so glad to hear that this shift brought real healing for both of you and that you’re finally sleeping well again — phew indeed!
Also, love your tips for restless legs — magnesium and essential oils can be such gentle but effective supports. Thank you for adding your wisdom here — I know it’ll resonate with others in the group too. 